We Need Knife Control Legislation

Congress needs to pass a law requiring us to register all of our knives.  There was a mass stabbing at a school, and the Legislature needs to do something that guarantees that it will never happen again.  With this initiative to protect us from knives, there won't be any complaints about violating the constitution either.  The second amendment only covers guns.  There are no amendments or clauses in the constitution guaranteeing us the right to bear knives.

If we can't get a law completely banning knives, we should at least ban assault knives.  You might ask what that is, and the answer is very simply whatever Congress wants it to be.  Maybe it should be a knife that is "really scary looking."  An assault knife might be longer than 3" long.  No hunter needs a knife longer than 3" to gut a deer.

It would also be a good idea to have doctors ask people how many knives they own before providing medical care.  The information they gain should be provided to the federal Department of Health and Human Services so they can figure who the most dangerous Americans are.  We also wouldn't want anyone that is the least bit mentally unstable owning dangerous weapons like a paring knife or a steak knife.  If only we can save the life of just one unaborted child.

Do you have one of those butcher's blocks with multiple different knives in slots?  Do you keep your stash of these dangerous weapons in a kitchen drawer or your fishing tackle box?  Those are particularly dangerous semi-automatic knives.  We need to at least limit those to only 3 knives per household.

It's time for house to house searches to confiscate all of the knives that are threatening the lives of people everywhere.  You might even cut yourself if you've never received training in the proper use of a knife.  The knives certainly need to be locked away in a knife safe to prevent others from getting their hands on them.  Of course those would become concealed weapons then, so you'll need a license to own them.

I hope no one uses a car to run over someone.  I really like my car, and I need it to drive to work.  I have a long drive to work, and it would take me half the day to get there on a bicycle.  I'm begging the MessAPolitico to let us keep our cars.  I know they're really dangerous, but what would I do without it.  I guess I could move closer to work, but how will I get my furniture moved without a car or truck?